


A Drop of Dianogan Tea

by Argendriel



Series: TFA kink meme fills that are generally non-kinky [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Tea, Teasnob!Hux, petty revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6052402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argendriel/pseuds/Argendriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TFA kink-meme fil for the prompt  "Hux is a tea snob."<br/>Crack. Mentions of tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Drop of Dianogan Tea

**Author's Note:**

> I am still writing only the most Gen of kink-meme fills. One of these days, I'm going to have my shipper club card revoked... (At least I draw shippy fanart.)  
> But hey, tea snob! Hux is so very much up my alley, I couldn't resist. I used to talk to a friend about how we imagined Hux having snobbish tea break at Starkiller and on the Finalizer all the time, so... yeah.  
> All mentioned tea varieties exist in the Star Wars universe, I just made up the brands/blends etc. and the way you prepare and drink them.

In the silence of his quarters, General Hux thoughtfully surveys the selection laid out before him on the small counter. He has, so far, narrowed his choices down to an acceptable number and is now pondering over the remaining tins.

After short consideration, he places the box that holds his stash of Manellan Jasper (Platinum Standard) back in the cupboard above the counter. His supply of this particular brand - premium grade and dreadfully expensive - is running low and who knows when he will get his hands on a replacement? Better to save it for a special occasion (like the completion of Starkiller Base - that sounds like the proper time for a high class cup of Manellan Jasper, maybe even followed by the Zsajhira Berries Tea(Limited Edition Red Label) he had received as a gift after his promotion to General. Not just any situation calls for such luxury, but that, Hux decides, would be the right one.).

Shaking himself out of his reverie and turning his attention back to his selection, he moves another tin.  
As much as he enjoys the occasional cup of H'Kak, he still has work to do and the blend he owns is just a little too effective at calming the mind. He just reaches out to inspect another one of the precisely labelled boxes when he hears the chime of the door to his rooms.  
He frowns. His crew knows better to disturb him during his tea break, so this is either an emergency or... he moves over to the door and deactivates the lock.

As expected, there is Ren in front of his quarters. Hux reminds himself that the sooner he gets this over with, the sooner he can go back to his break and nods curtly.

"Lord Ren. To what do I owe the questionable pleasure?"

The mask is unreadable, as always, but from Ren's body language, Hux deduces he is not exactly pleased to be here, either.

"I am supposed to go over the orders we received from Supreme Leader Snoke with you. He was insistent that we need to avoid... future misunderstandings."

Hux scoffs.

"If by 'misunderstandings' you mean yourself deviating from the plan and then threatening my Troopers when they don't do what you think they should-"

"If your men had any sense at all they'd-"

Hux waves him off.

"I am not discussing this with you now, Ren, we've gone over it. What is it that you think we need to talk about concerning the next mission?"

Hux sees his preciously short break ticking away and decides, damn this, if he has to talk to Ren it might as well be over a cup of tea. Suddenly, the H'Kak does not sound like such a bad choice after all, he'll need all the calming of his nerves he can get before this "talk" is over.

"And don't just stand there. If we have to talk, you might as well come in."

He turns and walks back over to his tea supplies, expecting Ren to do the sensible thing and follow. Gritting his teeth, he realises that he will have to offer his unwelcome guest a cup - he may not appreciate Ren's presence, but far be it from him to disregard common courtesy. He is better than that.

"I was just about to brew myself some tea. Anything I can offer you?"

Ren stands in the room, looking awkward, all hulking frame, stooping posture and still with that ridiculous mask over his head. He cocks his head.

"Tea?"

Just with that one word, uttered in a fairly neutral but quizzical tone, Hux feels his hackles rising, defensively.

"Yes, tea. Is that a problem for you, Ren?"

The helmet shakes a negative.

"I did not take you for the tea drinking type, that's all."

Hux bites back a 'What is that supposed to mean' and settles for a more neutral response.

"I happen to own a fairly large collection. Is there anything you like?"

Ren stays silent for a short while and Hux almost asks if he didn't hear the question through that silly helmet but then, he deigns to answer after all.

"I'll just have whatever."

In the time that takes Hux a lot of effort to fight down a snappy 'There is no _Whatever_ when it comes to tea', Ren adds "Just... no Naris-bud or Stim tea."

His voice is strangely subdued, even through the filter of his mask, and Hux wonders for a fleeting moment what that was all about, but then decides he definitely does not care enough and anyway, he has wasted enough time already.

A cursory glance over his remaining selection of teas narrows the choice for himself down to a first grade Sapir Emerald Leaf, a rare Ansionian Copper Tip Spring Harvest and the delicately perfumed Kopi blend he had received just a few cycles ago in a supply shipment. He decides against brewing any Ch'hala because he has no intention of risking the rare crystal cups customary in drinking it with Ren in the room.

After some deliberation, his choice falls on the Sapir, simply because it is, as far as his high class selection goes, on the simple side (he refuses to call it plain, that would be an insult) and he has no mind for complexities or sweetness with Ren right there in the room. Speaking of Ren, Hux still has to choose a tea for his guest (who is still standing in the middle of the room, looking strangely lost and if he wasn't so annoyed he'd be amused).  
After opening the cupboard next to where he stores his tea (both of these storage spaces temperature and climate controlled), he takes out one of the bottles of purified Aquilie spring water, making a mental note that he needs to requisition a few more boxes soon. Another advantage of the Sapir; unlike the Kopi, it does not call for one of the more rare, specially mineralised waters he has in stock. It would be a pity to waste it on a cup he will not be able to properly enjoy, considering the company.  
Filling the water heater and finally setting it to the precise temperature needed for the Sapir, he turns to Ren again and gestures at the table on the other side of the room.

"Don't just stand there, do have a seat. This will take a while."

Ren mutely follows the order (amazingly) and takes over one of the standard issue chairs, sitting stiffly. Satisfied for the moment, Hux nods to himself.

So, no Naris-bud, no Stim tea. He can live with that - he only has an expensive rare variety of Naris-bud and not the exactly perfect cups to serve it in and he has never been fond of Stim tea himself. He wonders in a manner of professional rather than personal interest what variety of tea Kylo Ren might actually favour. Something sweet and soothing like Jeru, maybe, to contrast his acerbic and uncontrolled character? Hux almost laughs at the idea. Ren, it seems, has no proper appreciation for tea, so he won't waste any of his rarities on him, that much is certain.

"I could offer you some Gwethh or Tarine. Or would you rather take a Tanque tea? That one is a bit of an acquired taste, though."

Hux is trying his best at civility, but it seems to have no effect on Ren, who is, as usual, set on being abrasive.

"I really don't care, do what you want so we can get this over with."

Hux is tempted to snap back at Ren again, but then he pauses as an idea forms. Well, it might be a bit petty, but after having his tea break disturbed... 'Do what you want' it is, then. And at least Ren will get treated to a true delicacy.

Until the timer of his water heater chimes and he sets out to prepare his own tea with practised, precise movements. He measures the exact amount of tea, places it in the appropriate glass pot and fishes for the corresponding cup in the cupboard in front of him. The water has reached its proper temperature by then and he pours the water, refilling the heater and setting it to the temperature needed for Ren's choice. Or rather, for the choice he made for Ren. He searches for the box that holds the small, never opened package he received as a gift back during his time at the academy.

Behind him, he hears the sound of Ren's helmet unlatching, then thumping on the table and he (mentally) sarcastically congratulates Ren for the insight that he can't drink tea through a mask.

While preparing the cup - a slightly crooked and inelegant black stoneware thing (how fitting it seems for its recipient)- that was included as a gift with the tea itself, Ren chooses to speak up again.

"This all seems a lot of unnecessary effort just for a cup of tea."

Hux grits his teeth.

"Preparing tea is an art that takes practise and experience, it has a ritualistic character and long standing traditions as diverse as the varieties of species in the galaxy. You of all people should have some appreciation for that."

Ren actually _sniffs_ dismissively.

"It's just pouring hot water over some leaves. There is nothing much else to it."

Hux refrains from answering, feeling quite insulted. These remarks just confirm his choice for Ren's personal tea of the day. He is spared from further remarks by the water heater's signal, and he pours the water, properly. Ren may be unappreciative and disrespectful, but that is not the tea's fault.

Hux serves the tea, first Ren's (he may put the cup down with a bit more force than strictly necessary), then his own, and settles back onto his own chair to finally get to the point of Ren's presence in his quarters.

* * *

* * *

A good half-hour and a heated discussion later, Ren finally leaves.

Hux smirks to himself. As he pours himself another cup of his aromatic Sapir and settles back in his chair, he wonders when Ren will notice the purple-black discolouration of his mouth and teeth. Good for Ren that he has that ridiculous mask to hide behind.

And if later, during the staff meeting, Ren's helmeted head seems to droop a bit more than usual, as if its owner can't quite seem to stay awake, well. That's not Hux' fault. Nobody forced Ren to disrespect his tea, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Ren's cup: http://www.bwoom-contemporary.de/Black-Oribe-Chawan-CHA022-A.jpg
> 
> Hux' glass teaset: http://i.imgur.com/pao3pU2.jpg
> 
> Prompt here: https://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/2821.html?thread=5331717#cmt5331717


End file.
